The Perfect Husband

(author unknown) Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: …

Family Christmas Letters

Do you write an annual Christmas letter to your family members and friends, or perhaps you receive one? Have you ever felt that your letter didn't quite measure up to the ones you have received? If so, you might relate to these letters. Here's the one that was sent: ____________________ Dear Friends, Thought you'd like …

Performance Evaluation Quotes

(authors unknown, thankfully) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig." "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." "I would not allow this employee to breed." "This associate is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definitely …

How Little Children See Grandparents

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other peoples' kids. A grandfather is a man and a grandmother is a lady! Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. …

Pregnancy FAQs

(author unknown) Q: Should I have a baby after 35?A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two month's pregnant now. When will my baby move?A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and …

Top Ten Comments that are Never Heard in Church

(author unknown) 1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew. 2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time. 3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf. 4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV …

Last Wishes

The man was dying. His wife, his daughter and his two sons are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present and for a camcorder to be in place to record his last wishes. When all is ready, he begins to speak. "My son, Bernie, I want you to take the ocean reef …

The Solution

You don't have to be an engineer to appreciate this story. A toothpaste factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided …

How to Give Your Pet a Pill

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL: 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill …

Grandpa’s Face

(author unknown) A little girl was sitting next to her grandfather as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time she would take her eyes off the book and reach up and touch his wrinkled cheek. She touched her own cheek after she touched his. After a little while of thinking she asked, …