(author unknown)
1. Teach them to respect others by showing others respect.
2. Place the same value on being well-mannered and kind as you do on being popular, wealthy, attractive, good at sports, or getting straight A’s.
3. Read to them every night, and take the time to enjoy it.
4. Teach them to have empathy by explaining how their actions might make others feel.
5. Teach them to be kind to themselves in small ways (i.e. saying nice things about themselves, and their talents).
6. Help them to understand that it’s more important to be kind than it is to be right.
7. Teach them how to have pride in their work by showing them the difference between just getting a job done versus doing a job well.
8. Help them learn a sense of accomplishment by allowing them to do what they can do for themselves.
9. Help them learn how to entertain themselves without spending money.
10. Be their parent first, and their friend second.
11. Set up your home as a benevolent monarchy, with firm ground rules, rather than as a democracy with young members that don’t yet understand all the ramifications of the decisions that must be made.
12. Allow them to explain their views without judgment; they’re learning how to form opinions.
13. Understand that shouting and harsh comments can be just as damaging as physical abuse.
14. Understand that they are not miniature adults, but children that are still learning and who depend on us for gentle guidance.
15. Make time everyday to do something fun with them, even if it’s just for half an hour.
16. Understand that the natural state of the parent/child relationship is one of struggle, it’s their job to become independent from us.
17. Know that as long as they are doing what you ask of them (making their bed, taking out the trash, doing their homework, cleaning their room, etc.) it’s okay if they’re stomping and complaining as they’re doing it. It’s illogical to expect them to be thrilled to do tasks we all dislike.
18. Never make them feel as if they’re unwanted, or a bother.
19. Encourage their curiosity.
20. Encourage their interests, no matter how different they are from your own.
21. Beginning at a very early age, teach them the value of money.
22. Teach them how to save, invest and budget, before they leave home.
23. Say “yes” to them as often as possible. Save “no” for things that are either wrong or unsafe.
24. Don’t hover, or attend every single activity; let them learn to do things for their own enjoyment, not as a way to please others.
25. Take an interest in their activities, and attend often.
26. Talk to them about everything, including world events, but at their level of understanding and maturity.
27. Instill in them a sense of good manners and a sense of fun.
28. Do not tolerate unkind behavior toward others.
29. Let them know that they can always disagree with you, as long as it is done with respect.
30. Encourage them to follow their dreams.
31. Have a life of your own, so they don’t feel responsible for your happiness.
32. Help them to believe that they can achieve anything, as long as they’re willing to pay the price.
33. Let them know what the price might be for some of their dreams.
34. Teach them the natural consequences of their actions, by letting them experience those consequences.
35. Protect them from games, television and movies that are not appropriate for their age or maturity level.
36. Teach them gratitude.
37. Remember that it’s your job to raise good, kind human beings; it’s their job to decide whether that good, kind human being will be a doctor, farmer, teacher, writer, etc.
38. Don’t expect them to behave in ways that you do not (i.e. calm and polite when angry, tired or stressed).
39. Give them an example of a happy, committed relationship.
40. Teach them that it is perfectly fine to be angry, sad or hurt, but that it isn’t fine to hurt others or be mean just because we’re angry, sad or hurt.
41. Show them ways to self soothe when upset (have a friend over, phone a favorite aunt or grandparent, take a bubble bath and make bubble beards, etc.).
42. Understand that shouting and screaming makes a parent seem crazy and out of control, and teaches them that you cannot be trusted in stressful situations.
43. Share your interests with them.
44. Teach them healthy boundaries with others.
45. Teach them how to be loyal.
46. If they are cared for by others, be certain they’re in a healthy, happy, loving environment.
47. Teach them the value of good health habits.
48. Be certain they get enough sleep.
49. Occasionally let them stay up late.
50. Have curfews.
51. Occasionally let them stay out after curfew.
52. Admit your mistakes.
53. Apologize when required.
54. Tell them they are loved every day.
55. Pass along religious practices and traditions.
56. Understand that you are their primary role model, and be the person you would like them to be.
57. Teach them to be a conscious consumer.
58. Teach them the difference between wanting and needing.
59. Don’t use guilt as motivation.
60. Welcome their friends.
61. Expect good behavior, and don’t make excuses for poor behavior.
62. Eat at the dinner table, and encourage conversation.
63. Don’t “shush” them too often.
64. Let them laugh.
65. Teach them that they alone are responsible for their behavior, and don’t allow them to blame it on circumstances or on others.
66. Happily help them with their homework.
67. Remain calm when they are not.
68. Help them to learn how to explain why they’re upset.
69. When asking how their day was, don’t rush them for an answer or answer for them. Just wait. Even if they only say “fine”. Just wait. Sometimes they’ll open up after digesting the question and their own thoughts.
70. If all else fails, take them for a walk and ask them how their day was, and then wait for the answer.
71. Never withhold love.
72. Don’t give them all the material things they ask for, even if you can afford it.
73. Be sure they have plenty of physical activity, even when it’s inconvenient.
74. Help at their school.
75. Have family game nights.
76. Give them a journal or diary to express their feelings freely.
77. Praise them four times as often as you correct them.
78. Let the little things go.
79. Keep a baby book, or keepsake book, and read it every year on their birthday.
80. Stop worrying, and understand that you can only do what you can do.
81. Know that both nature and nurture go into the adult they will become.
82. Stop working so many hours, and give them the gift of your time instead.
83. Slow down, and let them see you enjoy your own life.
84. Give them art and music lessons.
85. Travel with them, and introduce them to other cultures, religions and customs.
86. Take them to work with you, and explain what you do.
87. At an appropriate age, give them something to care for (i.e. a dog, a fish, a plant).
88. Place a high value on education, not only as a way of making money but for its own sake.
89. Let them make mistakes, and don’t belittle them for it.
90. Help them learn to correct the mistakes they do make.
91. Surround them with interesting people, books and activities.
92. Be a balanced parent, don’t overcompensate for your own childhood.
93. Be more interested in them than you are in your friends or yourselves.
94. Teach them to use technology intelligently, and with good manners (i.e. no cell phones at the dinner table).
95. Be more interested in whether those they date are kind to them, rather than whether you like them or not.
96. Make sure they know that stressful times have nothing to do with them (i.e. job loss, financial difficulties).
97. As they become a teenager, take on an advisor’s role while still steering.
98. When they have a problem, ask them how they think they should solve it, rather than simply giving them the answer, then talk it through.
99. Use the last few years that your child is at home to teach them how to manage their own time, money and behavior.
100. When it is time, let them go.
Principled Thoughts 